fromhimnotaword,noralook!Hehadpassedoutoftheroomwithoutalook!
Shehadonlytime,however,tomoveclosertothetablewherehehadbeenwriting,whenfootstepswereheardreturningthedooropened,itwashimself.Hebeggedtheirpardon,buthehadforgottenhisgloves,andinstantlycrossingtheroomtothewritingtable,hedrewoutaletterfromunderthescatteredpaper,placeditbeforeAnnewitheyesofglowingentreatyfixedonherforatime,andhastilycollectinghisgloves,wasagainoutoftheroom,almostbeforeMrsMusgrovewasawareofhisbeinginit:theworkofaninstant!
TherevolutionwhichoneinstanthadmadeinAnne,wasalmostbeyondexpression.Theletter,withadirectionhardlylegible,to“MissA.E.—,”wasevidentlytheonewhichhehadbeenfoldingsohastily.WhilesupposedtobewritingonlytoCaptainBenwick,hehadbeenalsoaddressingher!Onthecontentsofthatletterdependedallwhichthisworldcoulddoforher.Anythingwaspossible,anythingmightbedefiedratherthansuspense.MrsMusgrovehadlittlearrangementsofherownatherowntabletotheirprotectionshemusttrust,andsinkingintothechairwhichhehadoccupied,succeedingtotheveryspotwherehehadleanedandwritten,hereyesdevouredthefollowingwords:
“Icanlistennolongerinsilence.Imustspeaktoyoubysuchmeansasarewithinmyreach.Youpiercemysoul.Iamhalfagony,halfhope.TellmenotthatIamtoolate,thatsuchpreciousfeelingsaregoneforever.Ioffermyselftoyouagainwithaheartevenmoreyourownthanwhenyoualmostbrokeit,eightyearsandahalfago.Darenotsaythatmanforgetssoonerthanwoman,thathislovehasanearlierdeath.Ihavelovednonebutyou.UnjustImayhavebeen,weakandresentfulIhavebeen,butneverinconstant.YoualonehavebroughtmetoBath.Foryoualone,Ithinkandplan.Haveyounotseenthis?Canyoufailtohaveunderstoodmywishes?Ihadnotwaitedeventhesetendays,couldIhavereadyourfeelings,asIthinkyoumusthavepenetratedmine.Icanhardlywrite.Iameveryinstanthearingsomethingwhichoverpowersme.Yousinkyourvoice,butIcandistinguishthetonesofthatvoicewhentheywouldbelostonothers.Toogood,tooexcellentcreature!Youdousjustice,indeed.Youdobelievethatthereistrueattachmentandconstancyamongmen.Believeittobemostfervent,mostundeviating,in
F.W.
“Imustgo,uncertainofmyfatebutIshallreturnhither,orfollowyourparty,assoonaspossible.Aword,alook,willbeenoughtodecidewhetherIenteryourfather’shousethiseveningornever.”
Suchaletterwasnottobesoonrecoveredfrom.Halfanhour’ssolitudeandreflectionmighthavetranquillizedherbutthetenminutesonlywhichnowpassedbeforeshewasinterrupted,withalltherestraintsofhersituation,coulddonothingtowardstranquillity.Everymomentratherbroughtfreshagitation.Itwasoverpoweringhappiness.Andbeforeshewasbeyondthefirststageoffullsensation,Charles,Mary,andHenriettaallcamein.
Theabsolutenecessityofseeminglikeherselfproducedthenanimmediatestrugglebutafterawhileshecoulddonomore.Shebegannottounderstandawordtheysaid,andwasobligedtopleadindispositionandexcuseherself.Theycouldthenseethatshelookedveryill,wereshockedandconcerned,andwouldnotstirwithoutherfortheworld.Thiswasdreadful.Wouldtheyonlyhavegoneaway,andleftherinthequietpossessionofthatroomitwouldhavebeenhercurebuttohavethemallstandingorwaitingaroundherwasdis