twhichtherewasaslittleneedforexcitementasabouttheorderingofasuitofclothes.Bertha’sintensedevotionforawhilehadobscuredherhusband’scoolness,andshewouldnotseethathistemperamentwastoblame.Sheaccusedhimofnotlovingher,andaskedherselfdistractedlyhowtogainhisaffectionherpridewashumiliatedbecauseherlovewassomuchgreaterthanhis.Forsixmonthsshehadlovedhimblindlyandnow,openinghereyes,sherefusedtolookuponthenakedfact,butinsistedonseeingonlywhatshewished.
Yet,thetruth,elbowingitselfthroughthecrowdofherillusions,tormentedher.ShewasafraidthatEdwardneitherlovedhernorhadeverlovedherandshewavereduncertainlybetweentheoldpassionatedevotionandanew,equallypassionatehatred.Shetoldherselfthatshecouldnotdothingsbyhalvesshemustloveordetest,butineithercase,fiercely.Andnowthechildmadeupforeverything.NowitdidnotmatterifEdwardlovedornot,itnolongerpainedhertorealisehowfoolishhadbeenherhopes,howquicklyheridealhadbeenshattered.Shefeltthattheinfantinehandsofhersonwerealreadybreaking,onebyone,thelinksthatboundhertoherhusband.Whenshedivinedherpregnancy,shegaveacrynotonlyofjoyandpride,butalsoofexultationinherapproachingfreedom.
Butwhenthesuspicionwaschangedintoacertainty,herfeelingsveeredroundforheremotionswerealwaysunstableasthelightwindsofApril.Anextremeweaknessmadeherlongforthesupportandsympathyofherhusbandshecouldnothelptellinghim.Inthehatefuldisputeofthatveryday,shehadforcedherselftosaybitterthings,butallthetimeshewishedhimtotakeherinhisarms,sayinghelovedher.Itneededsolittletorekindleherdyingaffectionshewantedhishelpandshecouldnotlivewithouthislove.
TheweekswentonandBerthawastouchedtoseeachangeinEdward’sbehaviour,morenoticeableafterhispastindifference.Helookeduponhernowasaninvalid,andassuchentitledtosomeconsiderationhewasreallyverykind-hearted,anddur