FORdaysBerthawasoverwhelmedwithgrief.Shethoughtalwaysofthedeadchildthathadneverlived,andherheartached.Butaboveallshewastormentedbytheideathatallherpainhadbeenfutileshehadgonethroughsomuch,hersleepstillwasfullofthepastagony,andithadbeenutterly,utterlyuseless.Herbodywasmutilatedsothatshewondereditwaspossibleforhertorecovershehadlostheroldbuoyancy,thatvitalitywhichhadbeensoenjoyable,andshefeltlikeanoldwoman.Hersenseofwearinesswasunendurable—shewassotiredthatitseemedtoherimpossibletogetrest.Shelayinbed,dayafterday,inapostureofhopelessfatigue,onherback,witharmsstretchedoutalongsideofher,thepillowssupportingherhead:allherlimbsweresingularlypowerless.
Recoverywasveryslow,andEdwardsuggestedsendingforMissLey,butBertharefused.
“Idon’twanttoseeanybody,”shesaid“Imerelywanttoliestillandbequiet.”
Itboredhertospeakwithpeople,andevenheraffections,forthetime,weredormant:shelookeduponEdwardassomeoneapartfromher,hispresenceandabsencegavenoparticularemotion.Shewastired,anddesiredonlytobeleftalone.Allsympathywasunnecessaryanduseless,sheknewthatnoonecouldenterintothebitternessofhersorrow,andshepreferredtobearitalone.
Littlebylittle,however,Bertharegainedstrengthandconsentedtoseethefriendswhocalled,somegenuinelysorry,othersimpelledmerelybyasenseofdutyorbyaghoul-likecuriosity.MissGlover,atthisperiod,wasagreattrialthegoodcreaturefeltforBerthathesincerestsympathy,butherfeelingswereonething,hersenseofrightandwronganother.Shedidnotthinktheyoungwifetookherafflictionwithproperhumility.Graduallyarebelliousfeelinghadreplacedtheextremeprostrationofthebeginning,andBertharagedattheinjusticeofherlot.MissGlovercameeveryday,bringingflowersandgoodadvicebutBerthawasnotdocile,andrefusedtobesatisfiedwithMissGlover’spiousconsolations.WhenthegoodcreaturereadtheBible,Berthalistenedwithafirmerclosingofherlips,sullenly.
“DoyoulikemetoreadtheBibletoyou,dear?”askedtheparson’