tedman....Iwonderhiswifedidnotpreventhimfrommakingsuchanexhibitionofhimself.Thegrammarofit,mydearandthejokes,andthestories!!!”
Berthaclenchedherhands,furiousbecausetheflushofshamewouldnotleavehercheeks.Thespeechwasevenworsethanshehadexpected.Heusedthelongestwords,and,gettingentangledinhisownverbosity,wasobligedtoleavehissentenceunfinished.Hebeganaperiodwithanelaborateflourishandwaddledinconfusiontothetamestcommonplace:hewaslikeamanwhosetouttoexploretheAndesandthen,changinghismind,tookastrollintheBurlingtonArcade.Howlongwoulditbe,askedBertha,beforetheaudiencebrokeintojeersandhisses?Sheblessedthemfortheirpatience.Andwhatwouldhappenafterwards?WouldMr.BacotaskEdwardtowithdrawfromthecandidature?AndsupposingEdwardrefused,woulditbenecessarytotellhimthathewasreallytoogreatafool?Berthasawalreadythecovertsneersofherneighbours.
“Oh,Iwishhe’dfinish!”shemutteredbetweenherteeth.Theagony,thehumiliationofit,wereunendurable.
ButEdwardwasstilltalking,andgavenosignsofanapproachingtermination.Berthathoughtmiserablythathehadalwaysbeenlong-winded:ifhewouldonlysitdownquicklythefailuremightnotbeirreparable.Hemadeavilepunandeveryonecried,Oh!Oh!Berthashiveredandsetherteethshemustbearittotheendnow—whywouldn’thesitdown?ThenEdwardtoldanagriculturalstory,andtheaudienceshoutedwithlaughter.ArayofhopecametoBertha:perhapshisabsolutevulgaritymightsavehimwiththevulgarpeoplewhoformedthegreatbodyoftheaudience.ButwhatmusttheBrandertons,andtheMolsons,andtheHancocks,andalltherestofthem,besaying?Theymustutterlydespisehim.
Butworsewastofollow.Edwardcametohisperoration,andafewremarksoncurrentpolitics(ofwhichhewasentirelyignorant)broughthimtohisCountry,England,HomeandBeauty.Heturnedthetapofpatriotismfullonitgurgledinastream.HeblewthepennytrumpetsofEnglishpurity,andthetinwhistlesoftheBritishEmpire,andhebeatthebigdrumoftheGreatAnglo-SaxonRace.HethankedGodh