ndignified:shehadrunafterahobbledehoyyearsyoungerthanherself,andhadevenfallenseriouslyinlovewithhim.Itwastoogrotesque.BerthaimaginedthejoyitmustcauseMissLey.ShecouldnotforgiveGeraldthat,onhisaccount,shehadmadeherselfabsurd.Shesawthathewasafickleboy,preparedtophilanderwitheverywomanhemetandatlasttoldherselfscornfullythatshehadneverreallycaredforhim.
ButinalittlewhileBerthareceivedaletterfromAmerica,forwardedbyMissLey.Sheturnedwhiteassherecognisedthehandwriting:theoldemotionscamesurgingback,andshethoughtofGerald’sgreeneyes,andofhisboyishlipsandshefeltsickwithlove.Shelookedatthesuperscription,atthepostmarkandthenputtheletterdown.
“Itoldhimnottowrite,”shemurmured.
AfeelingofangerseizedherthatthesightofaletterfromGeraldshouldbringhersuchpain.Shealmosthatedhimnowandyetwithallherheartshewishedtokissthepaperandeverywordthatwaswrittenuponit.Butthesheerviolenceofheremotionsmadehersetherteeth,asitwere,againstgivingway.
“Iwon’treadit,”shesaid.
Shewantedtoprovetoherselfthatshehadstrengthandthistemptationatleastshewasdeterminedtoresist.Berthalitacandleandtooktheletterinherhandtoburnit,butthenputitdownagain.Thatwouldsettlethemattertooquickly,andshewantedrathertoprolongthetrialsoastoreceivefullassuranceofherfortitude.Withastrangepleasureatthepainshewaspreparingforherself,Berthaplacedtheletteronthechimneypieceofherroom,prominently,sothatwhenevershewentinorout,shecouldnotfailtoseeit.Wishingtopunishherself,herdesirewastomakethetemptationasdistressingaspossible.
Shewatchedtheunopenedenvelopeforamonthandsometimesthecravingtoopenitwasalmostirresistiblesometimessheawokeinthemiddleofthenight,thinkingofGerald,andtoldherselfshemustknowwhathesaid.Ah,howwellshecouldimagineit!Hevowedhelovedherandhespokeofthekissshehadgivenhimonthatlastday,andhesaiditwasdreadfullyhardtobewithouther.Berthalookedat