IWALKEDthroughthestreetslikeamanwhohasreceivedsentenceofdeath.Mybrainwaswhirling,andsometimesIstoppedandpressedmyheadwithbothhandstorelievetheinsupportablepressure.IcouldnotrealisewhathadhappenedIonlyknewitwasterrible.IfeltasifIweregoingmadIcouldhavekilledmyself.Atlast,gettinghome,Ithrewmyselfonmybedandtriedtogathermyselftogether.Icriedoutagainstthatwoman.IwishedIhadmyfingerscurlingroundhersoftwhitethroat,thatIcouldstranglethelifeoutofher.Oh,Ihatedher!
AtlastIfellasleep,andinthatsweetforgetfulnessenjoyedalittlepeace.WhenIwokeIlaystillforamomentwithoutrememberingwhathadhappenedthensuddenlyitcamebacktome,andthebloodflushedtomyfaceasIthoughtofhowIhadhumiliatedmyselftoher.Shemustbeashardasstone,Isaidtomyself,toseemymiseryandnottakepityonme.Shesawmytearsandwasnotmovedonejot.AllthetimeIhadbeenprayingandbeseeching,shehadbeenascalmasamarblefigure.Shemusthaveseenmyagonyandthepassionofmylove,andyetshewasabsolutely,absolutelyindifferent.Oh,Idespisedher!IhadknownevenwhenIadoredhermadlythatitwasonlymylovewhichgaveherthequalitiesIworshipped.Ihadseenshewasignorantandfoolish,andcommonplaceandviciousbutIdidnotcareaslongasIlovedherandcouldhaveherloveinreturn.ButwhenIthoughtofhersohorriblyheartless,souncaringtomyunhappiness,Ididmorethanhateher—Iutterlydespisedher.Idespisedmyselfforhavinglovedher.Idespisedmyselfforlovingherstill....
Igotupandwentaboutmyday'sduties,tryingtoforgetmyselfintheirperformance.ButstillIbroodedovermymisery,andinmyheartIcursedthewoman.ItwasNemesis,alwaysNemesis!InmyfollyIhadforgottenherandyetIshouldhaverememberedthatthroughmylifeallhappinesshadbeenfollowedbyallmisery....IhadtriedtowardofftheevilbysacrificeIhadrejoicedattheharmwhic