theyareaccomplishedandprettybutnotanaccomplishment,notacharmoftheirs,touchesachordinmybosom.Tothinkofpassingthewintereveningsbytheparlourfire-sideofSeacombeRectoryalonewithoneofthem—forinstance,thelargeandwell-modelledstatue,Sarah—noIshouldbeabadhusband,undersuchcircumstances,aswellasabadclergyman.
“WhenIhaddeclinedmyuncles’offerstheyaskedme‘whatIintendedtodo?’IsaidIshouldreflect.TheyremindedmethatIhadnofortune,andnoexpectationofany,and,afteraconsiderablepause,LordTynedaledemandedsternly,‘WhetherIhadthoughtsoffollowingmyfather’sstepsandengagingintrade?’Now,Ihadhadnothoughtsofthesort.Idonotthinkthatmyturnofmindqualifiesmetomakeagoodtradesmanmytaste,myambitiondoesnotlieinthatwaybutsuchwasthescornexpressedinLordTynedale’scountenanceashepronouncedthewordTRADE—suchthecontemptuoussarcasmofhistone—thatIwasinstantlydecided.Myfatherwasbutanametome,yetthatnameIdidnotliketohearmentionedwithasneertomyveryface.Iansweredthen,withhasteandwarmth,‘Icannotdobetterthanfollowinmyfather’sstepsyes,Iwillbeatradesman.’MyunclesdidnotremonstratetheyandIpartedwithmutualdisgust.Inreviewingthistransaction,IfindthatIwasquiterighttoshakeofftheburdenofTynedale’spatronage,butafooltooffermyshouldersinstantlyforthereceptionofanotherburden—onewhichmightbemoreintolerable,andwhichcertainlywasyetuntried.
“IwroteinstantlytoEdward—youknowEdward—myonlybrother,tenyearsmysenior,marriedtoarichmill-owner’sdaughter,andnowpossessorofthemillandbusinesswhichwasmyfather’sbeforehefailed.Youareawarethatmyfather—oncereckonedaCroesusofwealth—becamebankruptashorttimeprevioustohisdeath,andthatmymotherlivedindestitutionforsomesixmonthsafterhim,unhelpedbyheraristocraticalbrothers,whomshehadmortallyoffendedbyherunionwithCrimsworth,the——shiremanufacturer.Attheendofthesixmonthsshebroughtmeintotheworld,andthenherselfleftitwithout,Ishouldthink,muchregret,asitcontainedlit