expressionsofpartialityforme.Oneofhisdrunkenexclamationswas,“Andthejadedoatsonyouryouth,yourawblockhead!andtalksofyournobledeportment,asshecallsyouraccursedEnglishformality—andyourpuremorals,forsooth!desmoeursdeCatona-t-elledit—sotte!”Hers,Ithought,mustbeacurioussoul,whereinspiteofastrong,naturaltendencytoestimateundulyadvantagesofwealthandstation,thesardonicdisdainofafortunelesssubordinatehadwroughtadeeperimpressionthancouldbeimprintedbythemostflatteringassiduitiesofaprosperousCHEFD’INSTITUTION.Ismiledinwardlyandstrangetosay,thoughmyAMOURPROPREwasexcitednotdisagreeablybytheconquest,mybetterfeelingsremaineduntouched.Nextday,whenIsawthedirectress,andwhenshemadeanexcusetomeetmeinthecorridor,andbesoughtmynoticebyademeanourandlooksubduedtoHelothumility,Icouldnotlove,Icouldscarcelypityher.Toanswerbrieflyanddrylysomeinterestinginquiryaboutmyhealth—topassherbywithasternbow—wasallIcouldherpresenceandmannerhadthen,andforsometimepreviouslyandconsequently,asingulareffectuponme:theysealedupallthatwasgood,elicitedallthatwasnoxiousinmynaturesometimestheyenervatedmysenses,buttheyalwayshardenedmyheart.Iwasawareofthedetrimentdone,andquarrelledwithmyselfforthechange.Ihadeverhatedatyrantand,behold,thepossessionofaslave,self-given,wentneartotransformmeintowhatIabhorred!Therewasatonceasortoflowgratificationinreceivingthislusciousincensefromanattractiveandstillyoungworshipperandanirritatingsenseofdegradationintheveryexperienceofthepleasure.Whenshestoleaboutmewiththesoftstepofaslave,Ifeltatoncebarbarousandsensualasapasha.IenduredherhomagesometimessometimesIrebukedit.MyindifferenceorharshnessservedequallytoincreasetheevilIdesiredtocheck.
“Quelededainluisiedbien!”Ionceoverheardhersaytohermother:“ilestbeaucommeApollonquandilsouritdesonairhautain.”
Andthejollyolddamelaughed,andsaidshethoughtherdaughterwasbewitched,forIhadnopointofahandsomemanaboutme,exceptbeingstraightandwithoutdeformity.“Pourmoi,”shecontinued,“ilmefaittoutl’effetd’unchat-huant,avecsesbesicles.”