ITwastwoo’clockwhenIreturnedtomylodgingsmydinner,justbroughtinfromaneighbouringhotel,smokedonthetableIsatdownthinkingtoeat—hadtheplatebeenheapedwithpotsherdsandbrokenglass,insteadofboiledbeefandharicots,Icouldnothavemadeamoresignalfailure:appetitehadforsakenme.ImpatientofseeingfoodwhichIcouldnottaste,Iputitallasideintoacupboard,andthendemanded,“WhatshallIdotillevening?”forbeforesixP.M.itwouldbevaintoseektheRueNotreDameauxNeigesitsinhabitant(formeithadbutone)wasdetainedbyhervocationelsewhere.IwalkedinthestreetsofBrussels,andIwalkedinmyownroomfromtwoo’clocktillsixneveronceinthatspaceoftimedidIsitdown.Iwasinmychamberwhenthelast-namedhourstruckIhadjustbathedmyfaceandfeverishhands,andwasstandingneartheglassmycheekwascrimson,myeyewasflame,stillallmyfeatureslookedquitesettledandcalm.Descendingswiftlythestairandsteppingout,IwasgladtoseeTwilightdrawingonincloudssuchshadewastomelikeagratefulscreen,andthechilloflatterAutumn,breathinginafitfulwindfromthenorth-west,metmeasarefreshingcoolness.StillIsawitwascoldtoothers,forthewomenIpassedwerewrappedinshawls,andthemenhadtheircoatsbuttonedclose.
Whenarewequitehappy?WasIsothen?Noanurgentandgrowingdreadworriedmynerves,andhadworriedthemsincethefirstmomentgoodtidingshadreachedme.HowwasFrances?ItwastenweekssinceIhadseenher,sixsinceIhadheardfromher,orofher.Ihadansweredherletterbyabriefnote,friendlybutcalm,inwhichnomentionofcontinuedcorrespondenceorfurthervisitswasmade.Atthathourmybarkhungonthetopmostcurlofawaveoffate,andIknewnotonwhatshoaltheonwardrushofthebillowmighthurlitIwouldnotthenattachherdestinytominebytheslightestthreadifdoomedtosplitontherock,orrunagroundonthesand-bank,Iwasresolvednoothervesselshouldsharemydisaster:butsixweekswasalongtimeandcoulditbethatshewasstillwellanddoingwell?Werenotallsagesagreedindeclaringthathappinessfindsnoclimaxonearth?DaredIthinkthatbuthalfastreetnowdividedmefromthefullcupofcontentment—thedraughtdrawnfromwaterssaidtoflowonlyinheaven?
IwasatthedoorIenteredthequiethouseImountedthestairsthelobbywasvoidandstill,allthedoorsclosedIlookedfortheneatgreenmatitlaydulyinitsplace.
“Signalofhope!”Isaid,andadvanced.“ButIwillbealittlecalmerIamnotgoingtorushin,andgetupascenedirectly.”Forciblystayingmyeagerstep,Ipausedonthemat.
“Whatanabsolutehush!Isshein?