spossible.Hestoodupandleantagainstthemantelpiece,stilltoyingwiththepaper-knifeMaryalsochangedherseat,andtookachairbythetable.
"Doyouknowthatwe'vebeenengagedforoverfiveyearsnow,Mary?"
"Yes."
Shelookedathimsteadily,andhedroppedhiseyes.
"Iwanttothankyouforallyou'vedoneformysake,Mary.Iknowhowgoodyouhavebeentomypeopleitwasverykindofyou.Icannotthinkhowtheywouldhavegotalongwithoutyou."
"IlovethemasIlovemyownfatherandmother,Jamie.ItriedtoacttowardsthemasthoughIwasindeedtheirdaughter."
Hewassilentforawhile.
"Wewerebothveryyoungwhenwebecameengaged,"hesaidatlast.
Helookedupquickly,butshedidnotanswer.Shestaredwithfrightenedeyes,asifalreadysheunderstood.Itwashardereventhanhethought.Jamesaskedhimselfdesperatelywhetherhecouldnotstopthere,takingbackwhathehadsaid.Thecupwastoobitter!Butwhatwasthealternative?Hecouldnotgoonpretendingonethingwhenhefeltanotherhecouldnotliveaconstant,horriblelie.Hefelttherewasonlyonecourseopentohim.Likeamanwithanillthatmustbefatalunlessinstantlytreated,hewasboundtoundergoeverything,howevergreatthetorture.
"Andit'saverybadreturnI'mmakingyouforallyourkindness.Youhavedoneeverythingforme,Mary.You'vewaitedformepatientlyandlovinglyyou'vesacrificedyourselfineverywayandI'mafraidImustmakeyouveryunhappy—Oh,don'tthinkI'mnotgratefultoyouIcanneverthankyousufficiently."
HewishedMarywouldsaysomethingtohelphim,butshekeptsilent.Shemerelydroppedhereyes,andnowherfaceseemedquiteexpressionless.
"IhaveaskedmyselfdayandnightwhatIoughttodo,andIcanseenowayclearbeforeme.I'vetriedtosaythistoyoubefore,butI'vefunkedit.YouthinkI'mbrave—I'mnotI'mapitifulcoward!SometimesIcanonlyloatheanddespisemyself.Iwanttodomyduty,butIcan'ttellwhatmydutyis.IfIonlyknewforsurewhichwayIoughttotake,Ishouldhavestrengthtotakeitbutitisallsouncertain."
JamesgaveMaryalookofsup