gataprettywoman,youknow.I'mabachelorstill,thanktheLord!ThatremindsmeofafunnystoryIheardattheclub."
"Oh,we'reratherfrightenedofyourstories,William,"saidMrs.Parsons.
"Yes,you'reveryriskysometimes,"assentedtheColonel,good-humouredlyshakinghishead.
MajorForsythwasanecdotal,asisonlydecentinanoldbachelor,andhemadeaspecialityofstorieswhichhethoughtwicked,butwhich,asamatteroffact,wouldnothavebroughtablushtoanycheeklessinnocentthanthatofColonelParsons.
"There'snoharminalittlespice,"saidUncleWilliam."Andyou'reamarriedwoman,Frances."
Hetoldanabsolutelypointlessstoryofhowamanhadhelpedayoungwomanacrossthestreet,andseenherankleintheprocess.Hetolditwithimmensegusto,laughingandrepeatingthepointatleastsixtimes.
"William,William!"laughedColonelParsons,heartily."Youshouldkeepthosethingsforthesmoking-room."
"Whatd'youthinkofit,Frances?"askedthegallantMajor,stillhugelyenjoyingthejoke.
Mrs.Parsonsblushedalittle,andfordecency'ssakepreventedherselffromsmilingshefeltratherwicked.
"Idon'twanttohearanymoreofyourtales,William."
"Ha,ha!"laughedUncleWilliam,"Iknewyou'dlikeit.AndthatoneItoldyouinthefly,Richmond—youknow,aboutthepetticoat."
"Sh-sh!"saidtheColonel,smiling."Youcan'ttellthattoalady."
"P'r'apsI'dbetternot.Butit'sagoodstory,though."
Theybothlaughed.
"Ithinkit'sdreadfulthethingsyoumentalkaboutassoonasyou'realone,"saidMrs.Parsons.
ThetwoGod-fearingoldsoldierslaughedagain,admittingtheirwickedness.
"Onemusttalkaboutsomething,"saidUncleWilliam."Anduponmyword,Idon'tknowanythingbettertotalkaboutthanthefairsex."
SoonJamesappeared,andshookhandswithhisuncle.
"You'relookingyoungerthanever,UncleWilliam.Youmakemefeelquiteold."
"Oh,Ineverage,blessyou!Why,Iwastalkingtomyoldfriend,LadyGreen,theotherday—shewasaMissLake,youknow—andshesaidtome:'Uponmyword,MajorForsyth,you'rewonderful.Ibelieveyou'vefoundthesecretofperpetualyouth.''Thefactis,'Isaid,'Ineverletmyselfgrowold.Ifyouoncegivewaytoit,you'redone.''Howdoyouman