Ihavesaid—orperhapsIhavenotsaid,formymemoryplaysmesadtricksthesedays—thatIglowedwithpridewhenthreesuchmenasmycomradesthankedmeforhavingsaved,oratleastgreatlyhelped,thesituation.Astheyoungsteroftheparty,notmerelyinyears,butinexperience,character,knowledge,andallthatgoestomakeaman,Ihadbeenovershadowedfromthefirst.AndnowIwascomingintomyown.Iwarmedatthethought.Alas!forthepridewhichgoesbeforeafall!Thatlittleglowofself-satisfaction,thataddedmeasureofself-confidence,weretoleadmeonthatverynighttothemostdreadfulexperienceofmylife,endingwithashockwhichturnsmyheartsickwhenIthinkofit.
Itcameaboutinthisway.Ihadbeenundulyexcitedbytheadventureofthetree,andsleepseemedtobeimpossible.Summerleewasonguard,sittinghunchedoveroursmallfire,aquaint,angularfigure,hisrifleacrosshiskneesandhispointed,goat-likebeardwaggingwitheachwearynodofhishead.LordJohnlaysilent,wrappedintheSouthAmericanponchowhichhewore,whileChallengersnoredwitharollandrattlewhichreverberatedthroughthewoods.Thefullmoonwasshiningbrightly,andtheairwascrisplycold.Whatanightforawalk!Andthensuddenlycamethethought,"Whynot?"SupposeIstolesoftlyaway,supposeImademywaydowntothecentrallake,supposeIwasbackatbreakfastwithsomerecordoftheplace—wouldInotinthatcasebethoughtanevenmoreworthyassociate?Then,ifSummerleecarriedthedayandsomemeansofescapewerefound,weshouldreturntoLondonwithfirst-handknowledgeofthecentralmysteryoftheplateau,towhichIalone,ofallmen,wouldhavepenetrated.IthoughtofGladys,withher"Thereareheroismsallroundus."Iseemedtohearhervoiceasshesaidit.IthoughtalsoofMcArdle.Whatathreecolumnarticleforthepaper!Whatafoundationforacareer!Acorrespondentshipinthenextgreatwarmightbewithinmyreach.Iclutchedatagun—mypocketswerefullofcartridges—and,partingthethornbushesatthegateofourzareba,quicklyslippedout.MylastglanceshowedmetheunconsciousSummerlee,mostfutileofsentinels,stillnoddingawaylikeaqueermechanicaltoyinfrontofthesmoulderingfire.
IhadnotgoneahundredyardsbeforeIdeeplyrepentedmyrashness.ImayhavesaidsomewhereinthischroniclethatIamtooimaginativetobeareallycourageousman,butthatIhaveanoverpoweringfearofseemingafraid.Thiswasthepowerwhichnowcarriedmeonwards.Isimplycouldnotslinkbackwithnothingdone.Evenifmycomradesshouldnothavemissedme,andshouldneverknowofmyweakness,therewouldstillremainsomeintolerableself-shameinmyownsoul.AndyetIshudderedatthepositioninwhichIfoundmyself,andwouldhavegivenallIpossessedatthatmomenttohavebeenhonorablyfreeofthewholebusiness.
Itwasdreadfulintheforest.Thetreesgrewsothicklyandtheirfoliagespreadsowidelytha