red,couldnotcare,forLouisathoughtillthatday,tilltheleisureforreflectionwhichfollowedit,hehadnotunderstoodtheperfectexcellenceofthemindwithwhichLouisa’scouldsoillbearacomparison,ortheperfectunrivalledholditpossessedoverhisown.There,hehadlearnttodistinguishbetweenthesteadinessofprincipleandtheobstinacyofself-will,betweenthedaringsofheedlessnessandtheresolutionofacollectedmind.Therehehadseeneverythingtoexaltinhisestimationthewomanhehadlostandtherebeguntodeplorethepride,thefolly,themadnessofresentment,whichhadkepthimfromtryingtoregainherwhenthrowninhisway.
Fromthatperiodhispenancehadbecomesevere.HehadnosoonerbeenfreefromthehorrorandremorseattendingthefirstfewdaysofLouisa’saccident,nosoonerbeguntofeelhimselfaliveagain,thanhehadbeguntofeelhimself,thoughalive,notatliberty.
“Ifound,”saidhe,“thatIwasconsideredbyHarvilleanengagedman!ThatneitherHarvillenorhiswifeentertainedadoubtofourmutualattachment.Iwasstartledandshocked.Toadegree,Icouldcontradictthisinstantlybut,whenIbegantoreflectthatothersmighthavefeltthesame—herownfamily,nay,perhapsherself—Iwasnolongeratmyowndisposal.Iwashersinhonourifshewishedit.Ihadbeenunguarded.Ihadnotthoughtseriouslyonthissubjectbefore.IhadnotconsideredthatmyexcessiveintimacymusthaveitsdangerofillconsequenceinmanywaysandthatIhadnorighttobetryingwhetherIcouldattachmyselftoeitherofthegirls,attheriskofraisingevenanunpleasantreport,weretherenootherilleffects.Ihadbeengrosslywrong,andmustabidetheconsequences.”
Hefoundtoolate,inshort,thathehadentangledhimselfandthatpreciselyashebecamefullysatisfiedofhisnotcaringforLouisaatall,hemustregardhimselfasboundtoher,ifhersentimentsforhimwerewhattheHarvillessupposed.ItdeterminedhimtoleaveLyme,andawaithercompleterecoveryelsewhere.Hewouldgladlyweaken,byanyfairmeans,whateverfeelingsorspeculationsconcerninghimmightexistandhewent,therefore,tohisbrother’s,meaningafterawhiletoreturntoKellynch,andactascircumstancesmightrequire.
“IwassixweekswithEdward,”saidhe,“andsawhimhappy.Icouldhavenootherpleasure.Ideservednone.Heenquiredafteryouveryparticularlyaskedevenifyouwerepersonallyaltered,littlesuspectingthattomyeyeyoucouldneveralter.”
Annesmiled,andletitpass.Itwastoopleasingablunderforareproach.Itissomethingforawomantobeassured,inhereight-and-twentiethyear,thatshehasnotlostonecharmofearlieryouthbutthevalueofsuchhomagewasinexpressiblyincreasedtoAnne,bycomparingitwithformerwords,andfeelingittobetheresult,notthecauseofarevivalofhiswarmattachment.
HehadremainedinShropshire,lamentingtheblindnessofhisownpride,andtheblundersofhisowncalculations,tillatoncereleasedfromLouisabytheastonishingandfelicitousintelligenceofherengagementwithBenwick.
“Here,”saidhe,“endedtheworstofmystatefornowIcouldatleastputmyselfinthewayofhappinessIcouldexertmyselfIcoulddosomething.Buttobewaitingsolongininaction,andwaitingonlyforevil,hadbeendreadful.WithinthefirstfiveminutesIsaid,‘IwillbeatBathonWednesday,’andIwas.Wasitunpardonabletothinkitworthmywhiletocome?andtoarrivewithsomedegreeofhope?Youweresingle.Itwaspossiblethatyoum