ightretainthefeelingsofthepast,asIdidandoneencouragementhappenedtobemine.Icouldneverdoubtthatyouwouldbelovedandsoughtbyothers,butIknewtoacertaintythatyouhadrefusedoneman,atleast,ofbetterpretensionsthanmyselfandIcouldnothelpoftensaying,‘Wasthisforme?’”
TheirfirstmeetinginMilsomStreetaffordedmuchtobesaid,buttheconcertstillmore.Thateveningseemedtobemadeupofexquisitemoments.ThemomentofhersteppingforwardintheOctagonRoomtospeaktohim:themomentofMrElliot’sappearingandtearingheraway,andoneortwosubsequentmoments,markedbyreturninghopeorincreasingdespondency,weredweltonwithenergy.
“Toseeyou,”criedhe,“inthemidstofthosewhocouldnotbemywell-wisherstoseeyourcousinclosebyyou,conversingandsmiling,andfeelallthehorribleeligibilitiesandproprietiesofthematch!Toconsideritasthecertainwishofeverybeingwhocouldhopetoinfluenceyou!Evenifyourownfeelingswerereluctantorindifferent,toconsiderwhatpowerfulsupportswouldbehis!WasitnotenoughtomakethefoolofmewhichIappeared?HowcouldIlookonwithoutagony?Wasnottheverysightofthefriendwhosatbehindyou,wasnottherecollectionofwhathadbeen,theknowledgeofherinfluence,theindelible,immoveableimpressionofwhatpersuasionhadoncedone—wasitnotallagainstme?”
“Youshouldhavedistinguished,”repliedAnne.“Youshouldnothavesuspectedmenowthecaseissodifferent,andmyageissodifferent.IfIwaswronginyieldingtopersuasiononce,rememberthatitwastopersuasionexertedonthesideofsafety,notofrisk.WhenIyielded,Ithoughtitwastoduty,butnodutycouldbecalledinaidhere.Inmarryingamanindifferenttome,allriskwouldhavebeenincurred,andalldutyviolated.”
“PerhapsIoughttohavereasonedthus,”hereplied,“butIcouldnot.IcouldnotderivebenefitfromthelateknowledgeIhadacquiredofyourcharacter.Icouldnotbringitintoplayitwasoverwhelmed,buried,lostinthoseearlierfeelingswhichIhadbeensmartingunderyearafteryear.Icouldthinkofyouonlyasonewhohadyielded,whohadgivenmeup,whohadbeeninfluencedbyanyoneratherthanbyme.Isawyouwiththeverypersonwhohadguidedyouinthatyearofmisery.Ihadnoreasontobelieveheroflessauthoritynow.Theforceofhabitwastobeadded.”
“Ishouldhavethought,”saidAnne,“thatmymannertoyourselfmighthavesparedyoumuchorallofthis.”
“No,no!yourmannermightbeonlytheeasewhichyourengagementtoanothermanwouldgive.Ileftyouinthisbeliefandyet,Iwasdeterminedtoseeyouagain.Myspiritsralliedwiththemorning,andIfeltthatIhadstillamotiveforremaininghere.”
AtlastAnnewasathomeagain,andhappierthananyoneinthathousecouldhaveconceived.Allthesurpriseandsuspense,andeveryotherpainfulpartofthemorningdissipatedbythisconversation,shere-enteredthehousesohappyastobeobligedtofindanalloyinsomemomentaryapprehensionsofitsbeingimpossibletolast.Anintervalofmeditation,seriousandgrateful,wasthebestcorrectiveofeverythingdangerousinsuchhigh-wroughtfelicityandshewenttoherroom,andgrewsteadfastandfearlessinthethankfulnessofherenjoyment.
Theeveningcame,thedrawing-roomswerelightedup,thecompanyassembled.Itwasbutacardparty,itwasbutamixtureofthosewhohadnevermetbefore,andthosewhomettoooftenacommonplacebusiness,toonumerousforintimacy,toosmallforvarietybutAn