nowtheworstisover.Ihavetakenthestep,andIshalladheretowhatIhavedone.IamsureIhaveactedforthebest.Iseenoharminourwritingtooneanotheroccasionallyifitpleasesyoutoreceivelettersfromme.IthinkIhadbetternotseeyou,atalleventsforsometime.Perhapswhenwearebothagooddealolderwemay,withoutdanger,seeoneanothernowandthenbutnotyet.Ishouldbeafraidtoseeyourface.
AuntPollyhasnosuspicion.Icanassureyouithasbeenanefforttolaughandtalkduringtheevening,andIwasgladtogettomyroom.NowitispastmidnightandIamstillwritingtoyou.IfeltIoughttoletyouknowmythoughts,andIcantellthemmoreeasilybyletterthanbywordofmouth.Doesitnotshowhowseparatedinheartwehavebecome,thatIshouldhesitatetosaytoyouwhatIthink—andIhadhopedtohavemyheartalwaysopentoyou.IfanciedthatIneedneverconcealathing,norhesitatetoshowyoueveryemotionandeverythought.—Good-bye.
BERTHA.
72EliotMansions,Chelsea,S.W.
April23.
MypoorEdward,—YousayyouhopeIshallsoongetbetterandcomebacktoCourtLeys.YoumisunderstandmymeaningsocompletelythatIalmostlaughed.ItistrueIwasoutofspiritsandtiredwhenIwrote—butthatwasnotthereasonofmyletter.Cannotyouconceiveemotionsnotentirelyduetoone’sphysicalcondition?Youcannotunderstandme,youneverhaveandyetIwouldnottakeupthevulgarandhackneyedpositionofafemmeincomprise.Thereisnothingtounderstandaboutme.Iamverysimpleandunmysterious.Ionlywantedlove,andyoucouldnotgiveitme.No,ourpartingisfinalandirrevocable.Whatcanyouwantmebackfor?YouhaveCourtLeysandyourfarms.EveryonelikesyouintheneighbourhoodIwastheonlybartoyourcompletehappiness.CourtLeysIfreelygiveyouformylifeuntilyoucameitbroughtinnothing,andtheincomenowarisingfromitisentirelyduetoyoureffortsyouearnitandIbegyoutokeepit.FormethesmallincomeIhavefrommymotherissufficient.
AuntPollystillthinksIa