reyougoingtodo?”saidMissAbbott.
Philipstarted,notsomuchatthewordsasatthesuddenchangeinthevoice.“Do?”heechoed,ratherdismayed.“ThisafternoonIhaveanotherinterview.”
“Itwillcometonothing.Well?”
“Thenanother.IfthatfailsIshallwirehomeforinstructions.Idaresaywemayfailaltogether,butweshallfailhonourably.”
Shehadoftenbeendecided.Butnowbehindherdecisiontherewasanoteofpassion.Shestruckhimnotasdifferent,butasmoreimportant,andhemindeditverymuchwhenshesaid—
“That’snotdoinganything!Youwouldbedoingsomethingifyoukidnappedthebaby,orifyouwentstraightaway.Butthat!Tofailhonourably!Tocomeoutofthethingaswellasyoucan!Isthatallyouareafter?”
“Why,yes,”hestammered.“Sincewetalkopenly,thatisallIamafterjustnow.Whatelseisthere?IfIcanpersuadeSignorCarellatogivein,somuchthebetter.Ifhewon’t,Imustreportthefailuretomymotherandthengohome.Why,MissAbbott,youcan’texpectmetofollowyouthroughalltheseturns—”
“Idon’t!ButIdoexpectyoutosettlewhatisrightandtofollowthat.Doyouwantthechildtostopwithhisfather,wholoveshimandwillbringhimupbadly,ordoyouwanthimtocometoSawston,wherenooneloveshim,butwherehewillbebroughtupwell?Thereisthequestionputdispassionatelyenoughevenforyou.Settleit.Settlewhichsideyou’llfighton.Butdon’tgotalkingaboutan‘honourablefailure,’whichmeanssimplynotthinkingandnotactingatall.”
“BecauseIunderstandthepositionofSignorCarellaandofyou,it’snoreasonthat—”
“Noneatall.Fightasifyouthinkuswrong.Oh,what’stheuseofyourfair-mindednessifyouneverdecideforyourself?Anyonegetsholdofyouandmakesyoudowhattheywant.Andyouseethroughthemandlaughatthem—anddoit.It’snotenoughtoseeclearlyI’mmuddle-headedandstupid,andnotworthaquarterofyou,butIhavetriedtodowhatseemedrightatthetime.Andyou—yourbrainandyourinsightaresplendid.Butwhenyouseewhat’srightyou’retooidletodoit.Youtoldmeoncethatweshallbejudgedbyourintentions,notbyouraccomplishments.Ithoughtitagrandremark.Butwemustintendtoaccomplish—notsitintendingonachair.”
“Youarewonderful!”hesaidgravely.
“Oh,youappreciateme!”sheburstoutagain.“Iwishyoudidn’t.Youappreciateusall—seegoodinallofus.Andallthetimeyouaredead—dead—dead.Look,whyaren’tyouangry?”Shecameuptohim,andthenhermoodsuddenlychanged,andshetookholdofbothhishands.“Youaresosplendid,Mr.Herriton,thatIcan’tbeartoseeyouwasted.Ican’tbear—shehasnotbeengoodtoyou—yourmother.”
“MissAbbott,don’tworryoverme.Somepeoplearebornnottodothings.I’moneofthemIneverdidanythingatschoolorattheBar.IcameouttostopLilia’smarriage,anditwastoolate.Icameoutintendingtogetthebaby,andIshallreturnan‘honourablefailure.’Ineverexpectanythingtohappennow,andsoIamneverdisappointed.Youwouldbesurprisedtoknowwhatmygreateventsare.Goingtothetheatreyesterday,talkingtoyounow—Idon’tsupposeIshallevermeetanythinggreater.Iseemfatedtopassthroughtheworldwithoutcollidingwithitormovingit—andI’msureIcan’ttellyouwhetherthefate’sgoodorevil.Idon’tdie—Idon’tfallinlove.Andifotherpeopledieorfallinlovetheyalwaysd