atonceastheeffectofreaction.Manisevercloggedwithhismortality,anditwasmymortalnaturewhichnowfalteredandplainedmynerves,whichjarredandgaveafalsesound,becausethesoul,oflaterushingheadlongtoanaim,hadoverstrainedthebody’scomparativeweakness.AhorrorofgreatdarknessfelluponmeIfeltmychamberinvadedbyoneIhadknownformerly,buthadthoughtforeverdeparted.Iwastemporarilyapreytohypochondria.
Shehadbeenmyacquaintance,nay,myguest,oncebeforeinboyhoodIhadentertainedheratbedandboardforayearforthatspaceoftimeIhadhertomyselfinsecretshelaywithme,sheatewithme,shewalkedoutwithme,showingmenooksinwoods,hollowsinhills,wherewecouldsittogether,andwhereshecoulddropherdrearveiloverme,andsohideskyandsun,grassandgreentreetakingmeentirelytoherdeath-coldbosom,andholdingmewitharmsofbone.Whattalesshewouldtellmeatsuchhours!Whatsongsshewouldreciteinmyears!Howshewoulddiscoursetomeofherowncountry—thegrave—andagainandagainpromisetoconductmethereerelongand,drawingmetotheverybrinkofablack,sullenriver,showme,ontheotherside,shoresunequalwithmound,monument,andtablet,standingupinaglimmermorehoarythanmoonlight.“Necropolis!”shewouldwhisper,pointingtothepalepiles,andadd,“Itcontainsamansionpreparedforyou.”
Butmyboyhoodwaslonely,parentlessuncheeredbybrotherorsisterandtherewasnomarvelthat,justasIrosetoyouth,asorceress,findingmelostinvaguementalwanderings,withmanyaffectionsandfewobjects,glowingaspirationsandgloomyprospects,strongdesiresandslenderhopes,shouldliftupherillusivelamptomeinthedistance,andluremetohervaultedhomeofhorrors.NowonderherspellsTHENhadpowerbutNOW,whenmycoursewaswidening,myprospectbrighteningwhenmyaffectionshadfoundarestwhenmydesires,foldingwings,wearywithlongflight,hadjustalightedontheverylapoffruition,andnestledtherewarm,content,underthecaressofasofthand—whydidhypochondriaaccostmenow?
Irepulsedherasonewouldadreadedandghastlyconcubinecomingtoembitterahusband’shearttowardhisyoungbrideinvainshekeptherswayovermeforthatnightandthenextday,andeightsucceedingdays.Afterwards,myspiritsbeganslowlytorecovertheirtonemyappetitereturned,andinafortnightIwaswell.Ihadgoneaboutasusualallthetime,andhadsaidnothingtoanybodyofwhatIfeltbutIwasgladwhentheevilspiritdepartedfromme,andIcouldagainseekFrances,andsitatherside,freedfromthedreadfultyrannyofmydemon.