tonurseaflatteringideathatmystrongattachmenttoherprovedsomeparticularperspicacityinmynatureshewasnothandsome,shewasnotrich,shewasnotevenaccomplished,yetwasshemylife’streasureImustthenbeamanofpeculiardiscernment.To-nightmyeyesopenedonthemistakeIhadmadeIbegantosuspectthatitwasonlymytasteswhichwereunique,notmypowerofdiscoveringandappreciatingthesuperiorityofmoralworthoverphysicalcharms.FormeFranceshadphysicalcharms:inhertherewasnodeformitytogetovernoneofthoseprominentdefectsofeyes,teeth,complexion,shape,whichholdatbaytheadmirationoftheboldestmalechampionsofintellect(forwomencanloveadownrightuglymanifhebebuttalented)hadshebeeneither“edentee,myope,rugueuse,oubossue,”myfeelingstowardshermightstillhavebeenkindly,buttheycouldneverhavebeenimpassionedIhadaffectionforthepoorlittlemisshapenSylvie,butforherIcouldneverhavehadlove.ItistrueFrances’mentalpointshadbeenthefirsttointerestme,andtheystillretainedthestrongestholdonmypreferencebutIlikedthegracesofherpersontoo.Iderivedapleasure,purelymaterial,fromcontemplatingtheclearnessofherbrowneyes,thefairnessofherfineskin,thepurityofherwell-setteeth,theproportionofherdelicateformandthatpleasureIcouldillhavedispensedwith.Itappeared,then,thatItoowasasensualist,inmytemperateandfastidiousway.
Now,reader,duringthelasttwopagesIhavebeengivingyouhoneyfreshfromflowers,butyoumustnotliveentirelyonfoodsoluscioustastethenalittlegall—justadrop,bywayofchange.
AtasomewhatlatehourIreturnedtomylodgings:havingtemporarilyforgottenthatmanhadanysuchcoarsecaresasthoseofeatinganddrinking,Iwenttobedfasting.Ihadbeenexcitedandinactionallday,andhadtastednofoodsinceeightthatmorningbesides,forafortnightpast,Ihadknownnoresteitherofbodyormindthelastfewhourshadbeenasweetdelirium,itwouldnotsubsidenow,andtilllongaftermidnight,brokewithtroubledecstacytherestIsomuchneeded.AtlastIdozed,butnotforlongitwasyetquitedarkwhenIawoke,andmywakingwaslikethatofJobwhenaspiritpassedbeforehisface,andlikehim,“thehairofmyfleshstoodup.”Imightcontinuetheparallel,forintruth,thoughIsawnothing,yet“athingwassecretlybroughtuntome,andmineearreceivedalittlethereoftherewassilence,andIheardavoice,”saying—“Inthemidstoflifeweareindeath.”
Thatsound,andthesensationofchillanguishaccompanyingit,manywouldhaveregardedassupernaturalbutIrecognizedit