wanttoknowwhyitranIhadperfectconfidencethatthereweregoodreasonsforwhatwassoverybeautiful.
Thereisnoneedtodwellonthispartofmylife.Ihavesaidenoughtoindicatethatmynaturewasofthesensitive,unpracticalorder,andthatitgrewupinanuncongenialmedium,whichcouldneverfosteritintohappy,healthydevelopment.WhenIwassixteenIwassenttoGenevatocompletemycourseofeducationandthechangewasaveryhappyonetome,forthefirstsightoftheAlps,withthesettingsunonthem,aswedescendedtheJura,seemedtomelikeanentranceintoheavenandthethreeyearsofmylifetherewerespentinaperpetualsenseofexaltation,asiffromadraughtofdeliciouswine,atthepresenceofNatureinallherawfulloveliness.Youwillthink,perhaps,thatImusthavebeenapoet,fromthisearlysensibilitytoNature.Butmylotwasnotsohappyasthat.Apoetpoursforthhissongandbelievesinthelisteningearandansweringsoul,towhichhissongwillbefloatedsoonerorlater.Butthepoet’ssensibilitywithouthisvoice—thepoet’ssensibilitythatfindsnoventbutinsilenttearsonthesunnybank,whenthenoondaylightsparklesonthewater,orinaninwardshudderatthesoundofharshhumantones,thesightofacoldhumaneye—thisdumbpassionbringswithitafatalsolitudeofsoulinthesocietyofone’sfellow-men.MyleastsolitarymomentswerethoseinwhichIpushedoffinmyboat,atevening,towardsthecentreofthelakeitseemedtomethatthesky,andtheglowingmountain-tops,andthewidebluewater,surroundedmewithacherishinglovesuchasnohumanfacehadshedonmesincemymother’slovehadvanishedoutofmylife.IusedtodoasJeanJacquesdid—liedowninmyboatandletitglidewhereitwould,whileIlookedupatthedepartingglowleavingonemountain-topaftertheother,asiftheprophet’schariotoffirewerepassingoverthemonitswaytothehomeoflight.Then,whenthewhitesummitswereallsadandcorpse-like,Ihadtopushhomeward,forIwasundercarefulsurveillance,andwasallowednolatewanderings.ThisdispositionofminewasnotfavourabletotheformationofintimatefriendshipsamongthenumerousyouthsofmyownagewhoarealwaystobefoundstudyingatGeneva.YetImadeonesuchfriendshipand,singularlyenough,itwaswithayouthwhoseintellectualtendenciesweretheveryreverseofmyown.IshallcallhimCharlesMeunierhisrealsurname—anEnglishone,forhewasofEnglishextraction—havingsincebecomecelebrated.Hewasanorphan,wholivedonamiserablepittancewhilehepursuedthemedicalstudiesforwhichhehadaspecialgenius.Strange!thatwithmyvaguemind,susceptibleandunobservant,hatinginquiryandgivenuptocontemplation,Ishouldhavebeendrawntowardsayouthwhosestrongestpassionwasscience.Butthebondwasnotanintellectualoneitcamefromasourcethatcanhappilyblendthestupidwiththebrilliant,thedreamywiththepractical:itcamefromcommunityoffeeling.Charleswaspoorandugly,deridedbyGenevesegamins,andnotacceptableindrawing-rooms.Isawthathewasisolated,asIwas,thoughfromadifferentcause,and,stimulatedbyasympatheticresentment,Imadetimidadvancestowardshim.ItisenoughtosaythattheresprangupasmuchcomradeshipbetweenusasourdifferenthabitswouldallowandinCharles’srareholidayswewentuptheSalèvetogether,ortooktheboattoVevay,whileIlisteneddreamilytothemonologuesinwhichheunfoldedhisboldconceptionsoffutureexperimentanddiscovery.Imingledthemconfusedlyinmythoughtwithglimpsesofbluewateranddelicatefloatingcloud,withthenotesofbirdsandthedistantglitteroftheglacier.Heknewquitewellthatmymindwashalfabsent,yethelikedtotalktomeinthiswayfordon’twetalkofourhopesandourprojectseventodogsandbirds,whentheyloveus?IhavementionedthisonefriendshipbecauseofitsconnexionwithastrangeandterriblescenewhichIshallhavetonarrateinmysubsequentlife.
ThishappierlifeatGenevawasputanendtobyasevereillness,whichispartlyablanktome,partlyatimeofdimly-rememberedsuffering,withthepresenceofmyfatherbymybedfromtimetotime.Thencamethelanguidmonotonyofconvalescence,thedaysgraduallybreakingintovarietyanddistinctnessasmystrengthenabledmetotakelongerandlongerdrives.Ononeofthesemorevividlyremembereddays,myfathersaidtome,ashesatbesidemysofa—
“Whenyouarequitewellenoughtotravel,Latimer,Ishalltakeyouhomewithme.Thejourneywillamuseyouanddoyougood,forIshallgothroughtheTyrolandAustria,andyouwillseemanynewplaces.Ourneighbours,theFilmores,arecomeAlfredwilljoinusatBasle,andweshallallgotogethertoVienna,andbackbyPrague”...
Myfatherwascalledawaybeforehehadfinishedhissentence,andheleftmymindrestingonthewordPrague,withastrangesensethatanewandwondrousscenew